Dear Paul

I’m down to less than 2 weeks until I pop! Actually, Haniah can come out anytime now since I’m already on my 38th week! Paul and I are a pretty laid back and chill couple, but I know we’re both excited to discover what parenthood will be like. Many of our married friends with children have already told us how everything will change—our daily routine, our priorities, and our dynamics at home. It’s a lot to take in, but we are assured that He who is faithful will continue to walk with us in this next chapter.

We’ve been having late night talks about what we should do differently once Niah arrives and how we should always be at our best. I remember in one of those nights, Paul jokingly asked me, “You will love me more, right?” Then he added on a more serious note, “We should love each other more, even more than Niah.” And I agree.

I will always love my husband more, but it will never be a matter of comparison. I believe it’s a matter of honoring God’s design for marriage and fulfilling one’s vow. Marriage is supposed to be an unbreakable bond formed when two individuals make a committed decision to be each other’s for life. I made a vow before God that I will choose him every day—“loving him with a love that knows no bounds, a love that knows no ends”. My loyalty will always be with Paul. We’d be getting ahead of ourselves when we think about how Niah will one day have her own family, God-willing. But that’s reality and I embrace it with joy. I know that the best gift we can give Niah is the security of being loved by parents who are first committed to a Christ-centered marriage. When our marriage is solidified in Jesus, then and only then are we able to love this little human the right way without compromising our relationship.

So yes, my husband, you will always be my greatest blessing. In this married journey, I know there will be days when you won’t feel that way. I know in the months to come, you might only get what’s left of me after I’ve given my best to Niah. I know I will lose my patience and might act unkindly towards you when I lack sleep. I apologize in advance (hehe). Please try to remember that next to God, you are and will always be my most treasured answered prayer. I hope and pray that my words and actions will reflect this.

The past 9 months went by so quickly! Here are some photos we can always look back to.

  • The night I told him I was pregnant!
  • Our first visit to my OB-GYN
  • The evening we told our parents
  • First ultrasound
  • Our gender reveal to our family
  • Some of our friends throwing us a gender reveal party/baby shower
  • Paul squeezed in one last travel to Sapporo for our 2nd year anniversary ❤️

Thank you for loving me just as much even if I’m huge and sweaty with angry stretchmarks!

Hon, I’m dedicating this post to you and being extra sweet so that when the grumpy me decides to come out, this should make up for it. Hahaha kidding! I’m writing this to remind myself of how you deserve my best… because you’re simply the best!

I love you!

He Agreed to What She Said

I’ve read Genesis a couple of times and I admit that it hasn’t always been meaningful. This year, I decided to read it more meditatively so I can reflect and dig for personal insights. So far, I am AMAZED at how Genesis has come alive and how it is still so relevant to my spiritual growth. Truly, no book from the Living Word is too dull or boring when the Holy Spirit speaks!

Ever since I was in a relationship with my then boyfriend now fiance, marriage has always been our prayer and our end goal in mind. We’ve read and are still reading some relationship books that have been extremely helpful (eg: You and Me Forever:Marriage in Light of Eternity by Francis and Lisa Chan). But I realized, GENESIS is actually filled with so many marriage truths and examples of real life ancient couples who struggled with biblical gender roles. I got so excited after reading that I wanted to write it down so I won’t forget. So this is for my future married self.


This account is from Genesis 3 and 16. (3:16, sounds familiar! easy to remember haha)

  1. Eve listened to the serpent; followed him; told Adam; and Adam FOLLOWED HER.
  2. Sarai (got impatient, listened to a voice that clearly wasn’t God’s), told Abraham to sleep with her maid, and Abraham FOLLOWED HER.

So, who’s to blame? Is it the wife or the husband for following the? I guess both.

There are 3 things I learned from these accounts. Being a woman, I wanted to reflect on how I can be a better wife by learning from (the mistakes of) Eve and Sarai.

  1. God spoke to HIM

God told ADAM and clearly commanded him what he must not do (Gen. 2:16-17). God promised ABRAHAM that he will have a son (Gen. 15:4-5)

There are times when God may appear to be silent to the wives or maybe they were just NOT listening. God always speaks and I realized that He tends to speak to the husband. Many times God chooses to speak to the wife THROUGH THE HUSBAND. In both stories, the wives did not listen to their husbands and in effect, they did not listen to God. IF the wives sought God, I believe they would have heard Him personally, and they would have heard Him also through their husbands. (got it, Robyn? If your husband doesn’t make sense, seek God first and see if it makes sense after

2. SHE spoke to him

I believe wives always act in love, but there are times when their decisions are influenced by their need to control the situation. I think women in general tend to be importunate–persistent, especially to the point of annoyance or intrusion (‘makulit’ as Paul would call me)–impulsive, and impatient. There are times when I find myself giving suggestions but really, they’re just quick fixes. I’m quite reactive to circumstances and I want fast responses. Like when I’m driving and this car from far behind is about to overtake me by counter-flowing, I immediately let down my window and lift up my ready-made sign that says “COUNTER FLOW”. However, when Paul’s the driver he remains cool. And since he knows me too well, he grabs my hand just in time before I could even beep the car horn. ugh. sayang. haha

So yeah, I agree. Women/wives like Eve and Sarai may think they are in control when they’re really not. Most often it’s just emotions and worries that actually take over their decision-making process.

And this is where I realized how much power wives really have. They have the ability to influence their husbands for the good (or the not-so-good) because husbands listen to their wives. Whether they like it or not, whether they’re aware or not, they sometimes end up listening and agreeing to the voice of their mate. The question is, when I  become a wife, would my speech to my husband reflect God’s message? I would hate to reflect Satan and be his tool! (Robyn, don’t cause your husband to sin!)

3. HE listened to HER

Now this is the hard part. Adam and Abraham, why on earth did you listen to your wives?? haha! Paul, don’t listen to me when I’m wrong (which is rarely the case HAHA). But seriously speaking, I get it. Husbands should only listen to God. Period. Having them listen to any other voice would most probably lead to chaos. haha If the husbands are so close with God and if they are so used to hearing God’s voice, they would then have the wisdom to discern whether their wives’ suggestions are actually from God.

I pray that my future husband would be so in tune with God that he would know when NOT to listen to me when I am wrong. And I pray that I would always seek God first so I can reflect His heart in my words and deeds. so help us God! 


***and we all know what happened after Adam listened to Eve and Abraham listened to Sarai. Oh my. The consequences of their actions are still being experienced today!  

*entry made on MAY 31, 2016